today  i wake up  at  6:30 am thinking  about  should i go to sri cempaka ? but i promise someone i will go because she will go to my  church and join our games but i don`t wan to go i hear  ruby  going to  perform so i go because i miss her very much . then i  say to my self  go there have fun just smile , and don`t let  ruby see me  because i wan to see her  but don`t  wan her to see me well i reach to scott house first at 8:35 am. when i in scott house scott was playing  metal gear 4 i was watching him play . after that we left  at  9:00 am in the car was thinking of her how is she since a while din`t see her miss her a lot .

  9:45 am we reach there  we at the  bus stop scott was talking with his friends,i was thinking where is she  i can`t wait to see her and scared to face her well we chatting  out side for a while. then my friends amanda and  her friends calling us asking where are we so we went in to find her after that we take a walk scott showing  amanda friend to her new  class room  after that we walk to the back stage when ruby see  scott i try to run but she saw me , haiz i wan like acting to call someone because i don`t wan her to  see me .i was so sad i can`t face her i was  chicken >_<>

  after we go i i  see sook yee and  gyn there all stilling  other side then we sit me scott amanda and her friends  so we chat and siting seeing there pefrom every one see me  i having fun but i not i wan so sad that i never sad be for i wan trying to act cool i am all right. after a while there call us go out take the food and eat so we did that time i not in mood of eating but i try eat a bit but i can`t i call yew kwan take me see  ruby then we  find  her yew kwan going back eat this food i was looking at ruby thinking. how are you i miss u you look very pretty, i wan walk over there but my friend sms me ask me somethings then i see her like busy so  i just  left ,going  back to the  hall sitting feel like wan to cry  so i ask yew kwan  play dota  try  to forget but cant because the stupid  network  problem haiz  in the end i finally relax . but i wan feeling a lot of pain in the heart , i keep asking  yew kwan when she is coming out i cant wait  keep asking cant wait .

  when the time almost she perfrom i was  happy seeing perfrom, after she perfrom  she walking  near the   where i sit  that yew kwan call herr tell her i am there   i try to  be not shee her because i scared but she see me every call me go talk to her  i wan to when i wan go there she  look busy  i was disappoint i was thinking maybe later i can chat with her alone . 

  after the  i.u day is over  me ,scott and amanda + her  friends we take a walk to the swming pool there sit i was talking with amanda call me go talk to her so i call her ask her can  chat , she say sure  i wan abithappy then we go to there wait for her  and dancing  so we wait until she come i wan talk to her alone but scott was there and she  got to go with sook yee there all see  movie so i have no chance to talk with her alone   again i wan  very very very disappoint  i was  feel like crying but cant cry  until now i wan talk with her alone is like impossible   well now i know  i should not go better  today i  sad can spend a  time with her  haiz .........

but i never give up i will try my best to be with her again no matter what

what i been to this few week

just a few week ago i feel very down becuse there so much things happen to me i dont how to face it but in the end i done it thx to those friends who help me and support in the way

it start when me and my girlfriends breack up i was feel sad thinking why? what did i do wrong or what i did not do for her , until now i still donno why but i not much care anymore i know if i keep going down this road only having pain and sadness none happness, but until now i still love her so much,cant forget her i know no matter what i will love her forever and no one can chage it, if we cant be together as long i still can protect her as a friends, in my life she is the frist girl that i love so much i wan share my dream and my hope with her but now i dont think we can if ican say one things to her is. i love u nothing will change that

after few days my life getting more and more wost getting sick until went to see doctor,doctor say i have somthings growing inside of me, i was shock doctor say some vuris is growing with in me well doctor give me eat some shit ,but it get bigger ever min ,after 3 day went back to see the doctor he say it looking very very bad he say maybe need to cut it out but my body too week, if i try to cut it i have very little persent of living , i have to to choses cut it out , or try to eat more medicent . in the end i think let me engjoye life frist thn only chose .

after 1 week went back to see the doctor he say the virus start to week let my white blood cell killing them i hear this i dam happy ,the doctor say call me drink more milk becuse my body is very very week .after i see the doctor i was thinking if i really going to die i wan to tell ruby one last time i love her and goodbye .

well now my life start to chage bad in to good now i know no matter how life work out dont thinking about killing yourslfe when the time u going to die will feel u dont wan to die but is to late. so engjoy life now if life get you down there some one who will help u out. trust me i been there